This is my life, this is what I deserve
by Seto-Kaiba's-fan
Summary: Stupid title! One-shot fic! The unknown pain people can cause, like Loneliness, rejection etc... can drive people alot further then you might know. Just look at Ryou Bakura.


Disclaimer: I own nothing v.v Kf: This is my one-shot angst fic. So please bear with me. And review please!! 

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_Another day, that I'm not there, I have no friends but that's okay. Because my life has always been this way. I'm constantly overlooked and ignored. _

_I walk into the classroom no one even says hi. I see Yugi and his friends. How I envy him and his life. Everything is great for him he's got all those friends; he'll never be lonely because he has his Yami, at least his is nice. I sit down in my desk and start to doodle. I wonder why no one will talk to me. It's not like I did anything wrong. I only help people in their times of need and sometimes tag along. _

_But people don't seem to notice that I'm even standing there. It's like the time last week when the fifth person sat on me. People have their secrets that I should know, because people just say things in front of me that no one else should know. I'm invisible I'm not really there, I'm not a part of any group or family I'm all alone. It's no one but me on this journey of self-discovering. _

_I go home like usual and sit in my dark room all alone I sit there for hours the phone never rings. Why would anyone want to call me? I've finished my homework what should I do now? Maybe I'll take a walk and look around, see how happy everyone else is then I can go home and pity myself until I cant take anymore._

_I walked down the street only to see my secret rival walking up to me._

_ "Hey. How have you been?"_

_ I couldn't believe it someone actually talked to me. _

_"Good. I guess it could be better"_

_ Well that wasn't a smart thing to say. _

_"Well Tea and I noticed that you don't look so good"_

_Well that's usually what happens when you never eat or sleep_

 "No I'm fine no need to worry" 

_ I'll just put on my fake smile and no one will look past it._

_ "Okay then! Bye."_

_ Yes bye that's probably the last time you'll ever talk to me._

_My life is nothing but a cold place, frozen in an isolated sate. It's seven o'clock I'd better get home before my Yami notices I'm gone. But usually when I get home I'm welcomed by a beating but sometimes my Yami waits until I'm sleeping then he'll get out the knives, and keep cutting until the night is done._

_I creep inside without a sound I don't see my Yami, looks like he's not around, maybe I can actually go to bed safe and sound._

_"Just where have you been?"_

_I don't need to turn around I already know who it is, and what I'll receive_

_"I-I was j-just out for a walk"_

_"…"_

_Then for no reason what so ever I receive a punch in the face, this is my life, this is what I deserve. When my Yami is done, he disappears into the shadows. I look up at the clock no time to go to sleep I have shower then I'm off to school. I don't care if people see my cuts and bruises, my life will be over pretty soon._

_I walk in the classroom nobody stirs. I just keep walking but it felt like someone was staring. Throughout the whole day nobody asked me about my cuts or bruises. I guess they haven't noticed. Well I guess they wont notice when I walk among them no more. This is my life, this is what I deserve. _

_  Throughout the day that strange feeling stayed, someone was watching me, though I'm not sure who…but whoever it is probably wants to end my life as much as I do. Maybe before I disappear for good, I should tell everyone how I feel, and maybe things would change…or maybe they'd laugh and turn away._

_I made my way to my locker, now it's the end of the day but take a last look. Because I'll never see this place again. I opened my locker, and to my surprise a note fell out. I picked it up to read_

**To my wanted friend**

**__**

**_I want to be friend, and I always have._**

I thought you'd want people to listen and understand 

**_I've waited a long time for you, to come to me and be my friend_**

**_I didn't come to you_**

**_Because I didn't want to force you_**

**_To associate with someone you didn't want to._**

**_Life can be painful that I know, but dreams and wishes can be wonderful._**

**__**

**_Signed_**

__

Just before I could see who it was from the note was knocked out of my hand, from the millions of students crowding the halls. I guess I'll never know who tried to be my friend, but it was probably just a joke done by people who knew my hopes. Well tonight will be the end no more pain, no more said.

I decided to walk home that night; I wanted to see the beauty of nature one more time. As I walked home I noticed how happy people were. I know if I told someone about my schedule for tonight, they'd probably say, "that's not right, just because you have problems and others do too, it's very cowardly to take the easy way out". I remember my mother use to say that all the time. With the kids who use come to her deciding to get help from the counsellor. But mom and dad you left all alone in the pain and the cold. Your both probably in heaven I wish you both well. I probably wont see you up there. I'm not worthy to even think about walking among the clouds. I'm not even worthy enough to be buried underground.

I walked inside the knives seemed to have an eerie glow; thank goodness my Yami isn't home. I wont bother writing a note. No one would read it anyway. I grabbed the biggest knife I saw, I took a deep breath, and slit both of my wrists. I felt very dizzy and I felt I could throw up. Now there's nothing to do but wait until the beautiful darkness took me in.

Right then my Yami came in. When he saw what was happen, I could sworn I saw concern in his eyes, he came running over and held me tight and my last words I'd ever say 

"I-I on-ly hop-e you can t-ake ca-re of y-our-self B-bak-ura"

"Ryou, you can't die. I never meant to drive you to this"

I decided I'd say my favourite line as my last remark

"T-This is m-my life it's w-what I d-deserve"

 Then sweet darkness consumed me. To live peacefully forever more. 

At school the next day an assembly was held and the solemn principal said "Last night. While we were happy at home, Ryou Bakura committed suicide. The poor boy."

There was a silence throughout the auditorium. People thinking if they only tried to help him, or even talked to him. But in the mind of one student was thinking 'Ryou, I wanted to be your friend I even told you. Did that really mean nothing to you?' Thought none other than Seto Kaiba who's only wish was for Ryou to be his friend…


End file.
